Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
