the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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