like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
