All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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