So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
