We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
