that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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