Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
