dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
