how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
