She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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