I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
