I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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