I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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