Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
