dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Naked Twister starts at high noon
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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