Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
