You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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