If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
