Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wish you could order shots online.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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