I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
