Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
