Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
