Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
