you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
