if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
