Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
