This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
