Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
