it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
