I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
