I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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