i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
meet me or not, i'm out of control
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
