Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
