My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just had sex on a roof
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
