i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
