Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
