Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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