how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize