Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
