I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
