Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
