I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize