wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
