I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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