theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
