your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If I die, sorry about rent.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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