i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
false alarm, still single
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
