I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize