I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
