i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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