i wish starbucks made bloody marys
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
even my farts smell like vagina
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
