would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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