Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize