are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize