Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
