need another drink. this is the easiest way
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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