Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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