Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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