Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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