when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You are a genius and a whore.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
