and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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