belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
NoShamevember. You game?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
