my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
