its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
