I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
