Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
