took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize
