he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Let the clothes fall where they may.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
