Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
