I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
