could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I have aggressive nipples.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
