In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
