i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
