I'm lost and stupid without you.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
