I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
