it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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