I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
