***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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