if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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