Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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