Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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