Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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