I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
