you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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