I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
