remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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