; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
