she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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