My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
