Define "chronic" masturbator.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
