why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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